Teshuva: Integrating the Jewish Soul

By Shiri Zohar Godasi

It’s no secret—I am in a deep process of Teshuva, or “a return” to my soul’s Jewish codes. 

A return to wholeness… Individuation in Jungian dialect. And in psychedelic tongue we call it “integration”.

So in Judaism, we call it Teshuva. 

40 years in the making and rekindled after Oct. 7 2023, now in a peak experience of acknowledging, re-owning and integrating the parts and codes within me that always knew who they were, where they belonged, and their potential genius: what they were destined to become. 

Even in our elusive field, the niche of integration has always been challenged with coherent interpretation of a largely-abstract notion. One that not only you understand in your nuanced experience; but change that can be seen by others. 

Now let’s combine it with the burnt political hotcake that Judaism has been served as in the past 2.5 years.

No one said integration is for the faint of heart...

But hey, you know your girl by now. Just another season of transformation.

I was taking it at my own pace for a while (say a blessing here, light shabbat candles there) until someone floored the pedal last September and gave me (+maybe those around me) whiplash. 

Someone, shoved me into the deep end of the pool, literally overnight. Meaning, I walked into a [no drug] meditation weekend one person, and walked out another. It’s a Gemini thing.

That entire retreat felt like I was rubbing Aladdin’s lamp, aware of its ancient value yet fully unaware of the powers of the living spirit within, and how for centuries it has been patiently waiting to be set free. 

Some ancient avatar of my soul, nestled so deeply in my living unconscious that it managed to fly uninterrupted under the radar of 200+ full-dose ceremonies of various molecules, was unexpectedly unleashed. 

Then, it demanded to be the primary persona archetype. There was no point in resisting, it was stronger than me. Also, it looked fun with an exponential learning curve, vastly different from any other previous iteration. And I’m into extreme personality sports (another Gemini thing. Lol)

Every day, every minute since then has revolved around becoming this person. With the meet-the-eye obvious-ities, sure: how modest is she, if she covers her shoulders, what words are used and who she associates herself with

But the most fascinating aspect by a mile as been how agile can she get in setting any sense of Self aside, morphing into the higher wisdom that wants to physically integrate on this plane

How disciplined in the ways of this technology can she become day to day in order to trust it, to let and be let in a little more

How strong and solid can she prime her vessel to be as a channel for this abiding light, without cracking

How profoundly can she surrender to this directive “Someone” entity, without losing her s*$%? 

How can I just let go of the known ground I had built my castles on, with all of its truisms, just to become one with the path that helps me return home. 

It’s an intimate conversation to which the words are still being found. Breath is mostly devoid of words

מְשֹׁךְ עַבְדָּךְ אֶל רְצוֹנָךְ

One letter at a time. 

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