Sometimes The Sacred Wears A Bikini

By Shiri Zohar Godasi

***Trigger warning*** 

Content pushes the boundaries of Jewish observance

I walked on the beach in a bikini yesterday. Nothing bizarre… It’s not like I'm not in a surfer’s beach town where the unofficial uniform is sunscreen and salty hair. 

Also, in the past year I’ve morphed into a semi-orthodox* ie observant Jewish woman. There is an * because if there is any label at all to effectively describe the current state of my very intimate dialogue with God, this one might be the closest. However this is not without apprehension and I ain’t fully owning it.

Bikini + Hashem 

The math doesn’t add up, on most accounts. 

Or doesn’t it?

I’ve been trying to wrap my head around this equation for a few moons now. It has been the exact reason why I stepped back from the socials, from newsletters, and from the public eye in general. 

There was a struggle consolidating between the part that has long accepted/remembered why Jewish women cover their skin, their hair… Yearning to honor and embody this remembrance; and the part that,  pre-teshuva, knowingly chose the beach lifestyle and to physically reside in a tropical exile. 

How can one claim to be in observance and respect of the sacred [from a Jewish lens], while knowingly ignoring some of the most obvious guidelines and transgressing against it?

Again, the math wasn’t mathing

When one is ready to release stale narratives, personal traits and/or their identity–this is not uncommon following any peak experience, including psychedelic ceremony; and reinvent into a new, elevated version of themselves–whatever it may be: 

how exactly does one get from A to B? 

How does one move through “becoming”? 

Particularly when you are not entirely sure what point B is…

In mid-transition of a transformational process that you did not consciously initiate there can be an uncertainty about both the direction and the outcome.

You just put one foot in front of the other and the path lights beneath your feet, corresponding with the weight of your stride, the shape of your dug-in heel. 

Your mind is entertained with continuous chatter: what is this puzzle that wants to be solved? And as the pieces are turned over and slowly weld to their unique match, slowly unveiling another pixel out of a thousand–where is the box with the final product image for reference? 

Not unlike any creative undertaking or a mother during childbirth that wants to surrender to the laws of nature in isolation; there are times when something beckons to become, and words–or any type of communication–feel irrelevant and burdensome. 

So as I was becoming… The story slowly revealing itself in a non-linear fashion and words were not forming into cohesive phrases. An ineffable state, so for a while–I accepted silence. 

But as it turned out that acceptance was also a rejection. 

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Kabbalah… is the mystical tradition of Judaism—a map of consciousness that seeks to understand the nature of reality, the soul, creation, and our relationship with the Divine. 

Rather than focusing solely on what we do, Kabbalah asks why we are here, how spiritual energy flows through the universe, and how we can align ourselves more deeply with our highest purpose. It explores the hidden dimensions of existence with explicit teachings and practices that help transform spiritual concepts into lived experience.

So many of us are drawn to psychedelic investigation for this exact reason. Sure, the entree point may be mental distress, overwhelm with life, feeling stuck, needing redirection… All are generally but symptoms to the core spiritual dis-ease: our soul is simply seeking to recreate and exist in the source consciousness from which it is derived. This here is the exact definition of integration, in a nutshell. 

And interestingly, the Hebrew language itself is a gateway into this same understanding.

A quick Hebrew language lesson–especially interesting if you are into the concept of sacred geometry:

The word Kabbalah (קבלה) comes from a Hebrew “root” which means "to receive." 

What is meant by “root”?

Unlike many languages, Hebrew is built on foundational root letters, usually three-letter combinations that reveal a deeper energetic relationship between words. 

Words that share a root often share an underlying spiritual essence. 

The Kabbalists teach that the Hebrew letters are not arbitrary symbols. 

They are the primordial building blocks of creation itself—sacred forms, frequencies, and patterns through which existence was spoken into being. 

Each letter carries a numerical value, symbolic meaning, shape, and energetic quality. Together they form an ancient sacred geometry technology of consciousness, encoding profound spiritual principles within the very structure of language.

I have spoken Hebrew from birth as my native tongue language. But only last year, diving deep into the esoteric teachings of my lineage, I discovered that Hebrew is not merely a language of communication; it is a language of pure consciousness. And when we study Kabbalah, we are not simply studying ideas. We are learning to perceive the hidden architecture beneath reality—the patterns that connect spirit and matter, the visible and invisible, the finite and the Infinite.

As an example: the word Kabbalah (קבלה) comes from the Hebrew root of ק-ב-ל (letters Kuf-Bet-Lamed), meaning "to receive." 

A mekabel is one who receives. At its essence, Kabbalah is the wisdom of learning how to receive—receiving Divine wisdom, receiving deeper awareness, receiving reality as it is, and ultimately receiving the fullness of life itself.

But there is another layer hidden within the word–and this came to mind on my beach walk while wrestling with me wearing the bikini.

In modern Hebrew, kabbalah also means acceptance. To receive something fully–and to integrate it into our being to form new versions, new realities–we must first accept it. 

I have previously written about my AAA method of psychospiritual integration: 

Awareness to know

Acknowledgement/Acceptance to process

Action to change.  

This is how we receive and integrate transformation, elevation, blessings, upleveling of our daily lives. This is that ineffable process of becoming. Uplifting who we are out of victimhood and survival and into thriving and joy. 

We cannot receive what we resist to accept. The spiritual path of Kabbalah is therefore not only about mystical knowledge—it is about developing the capacity to accept reality, ourselves, our challenges, and the unfolding of Divine will. Accept them, and consolidate them, all at once. Of course, from any tension and struggle the vessel naturally begins to dispose of any impurities, any behaviors that do not serve its purpose. It is strengthened and built to last–to receive and to hold. This is how real change takes root. All concepts mirroring the path of psychedelic integration. 

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Back to acceptance and rejection:

Fine, I have accepted silence and cocooning while receiving the codes of Judaism, discerning and sifting the information to make healthy choices and really, just understanding this nuanced relationship. How to respectfully hold this timeless wisdom while also translating it into my real world, in this season–living it, here and now. 

There was an ideal of perfection in how this new version needed to show up, and I was striving to embody it–and fast. The curtains on the dressing room were drawn as I was hustling to shapeshift between all the roles: the skirts and modest tops for days of study with my Rabbi and Challah bakes in my local community, the sports bra and shorts for the gym, the comfy yet queen-worthy clothes for mother-daughter and cooking days, the sweeping dresses and hair covers for Shabbat. And yes, the bikini for beach time. 

Isolation was fine, until it wasn’t.

It became an issue, when I noticed I did want to be more vocal about this transition, and let people into my world to share with them the beauty, the joy, the miracles since connecting with this aspect of the sacred. That ceremonial work is amazing but it may all be just preparation for meeting and integrating the true divinity: You and your light. I wanted to inspire. But I was blocking myself from doing so, because of the uncertainty of the final outcome and was I even doing it right. Was it being honored in the way the future me wanted to honor it. 

Uncertainty was a cover up for something deeper that was not being named: I was struggling with accepting myself in this “undone” state. 

Mid-way in the messy untethering, without the shiny perfection of the finished product. 

Very intentionally I was also avoiding causing discomfort or disappointment to my orthodox community and my teachers, for potentially showing up in unholy ways and transgressing. And with all honesty, being aware now more than before of the immense effects of our actions when they are done outside of pure consciousness, and how easily they can translate into spiritual transgressions now, I can’t say this has completely cleared.

But here is where this has all landed:

My emanation in this lifetime is not a being of pure consciousness, a selfless tzadika (ie type of Mother Teresa) of holy light. 

I am a human, a woman on my respective journey, a beinonit at the absolute most. 

And my work–my avodah–is likely a lifetime’s worth of clearing and building my vessel, while continuing to serve. This is likely true for most of us.

While there can be goals, benchmarks, seasons of reprieve, and certainly arrivals at a feeling of completion ie “leaving the rest for the next lifetime”--there is no perfection or end-game of any sort in the works of spiritual elevation. Otherwise, we will stop working, we will stop creating, we will stop evolving, and perhaps the playground mission known as life on Earth may be fully aborted. 

So in the name of protecting the sacredness of my ‘work’ I was blocking my expression; blocking my voice. And eventually noticed that my world got smaller and other aspects of my life were blocked too: livelihood, connections, abundance. 

What was truly being blocked - or rejected - was the part of me that had nothing to do with the external metamorphosis of the avatar. 

It is the core essence that remains constant and untouchable throughout all of the transitions, navigations into deep space and costume changes. This is the spark of the infinite, of the All, of the Ein Sof. This is the seed within us, that makes us in the likeness of God. And this is the true sacred geometry, the consolidation and integration of all fragments & structures amidst their recreation. 

This is the indivisible, abiding light that is contained by the vessel. 

And while the vessel is formed–the light still shines.

It does not darken nor dim while the rest of life is “in progress”, from A to Be.

You must accept the transience in all of life–including yours.  

The inherent perfection in impermanence and imperfection. 

Stop fighting it. Stop resisting. Where are you right now, in your own journey? Where has God placed you, and what are you contending with? 

From this exact place, can you get in dialogue with the sacred aspect of your being? And invite its spark into your life, no matter how insignificant the action may seem. 

Say “thank you” the moment you open your eyes

Meditate for 5 minutes

Text a word of appreciation to a friend

Share a valuable resource with another

Bless your lunch to sit well in your tummy

Say a single phrase of prayer at night

Don’t deny connecting with the sacred, waiting for the right conditions. The truth is, those never arrive anyhow. 

Hashem decided for me, that the ideal time in my life to find teshuva and return to him was during a life season on a tropical beach in one of the hottest climates in the world. It is arguably exponentially more challenging to adhere to many of our orthodox laws here. Forget ideology: at the most basic level one cannot find long skirts or sleeved sweaters for purchase here if they tried. I began wishing for, no aching to live in an environment that supports this new version that desires to take on these laws. And concurrently developing much resentment if not hostility towards the environment I was realistically placed in. 

But integration of the sacred, becoming the sacred and the vessel that holds it, meeting God–does not require you to move countries, live in the jungle with the plants and sit in ceremony every night. Or in my case, to move to a place that has a synagogue and a modest clothing store. 

It is found in the smallest of acts, the quietest of moments. One intentional breath at a time. 

The shame and stress from internal conflicts, knowing we are still not where we strive to be, is what places one in psychological exile. Striving in itself causes psychological fragmentation. This fragmentation translates into mental health dis-ease, which can ultimately translate into chaos in nearly every aspect of life. 

From a Kabbalistic perspective, striving is often associated with the ego's attempt to manufacture outcomes through its own power. Its opposite is not passivity, but receptivity—becoming a vessel that can accept and receive what is already seeking to emerge.

Accept, even if parts of you are perceived to still be in exile–wearing a bikini on the beach. Should you desire, you can configure your life, step by step, to relocate to an environment where covering up is part of the lifestyle. Right now–this is where they/you are at. Breathe, be present for and yes even enjoy the evolving conversation. Yes it’s OK to take your little one swimming and soak up those precious moments. Instead of crashing against, find your flow amidst the waves, each one bringing purification and hope for renewal, for redemption. And this acceptance in itself–the path of least resistance–will bring cohesion, unification, harmony and light to the most exiled of places. 

To walk the path of Kabbalah–and integration–is to become a vessel. 

To receive–and hold--wisdom.
To receive–and hold-- truth.
To receive–and hold, and become--Divine light.

And perhaps most importantly, to cultivate the acceptance and capacity that allows that light not just to enter, but to shine and to stay.

What reality are you in right now? What is one tension in your life you can be in more acceptance of while continuing to dialogue with? 

What is one small thing you can do today, to live the sacred in your current conditions?

This Hashem’s Girl prays for and blesses others, connects with community, aims to create and share value, lights candles, does good deeds, studies, aims to show up in the highest way possible… Everyday. 

Also, she wears a bikini. 

Women! Join our upcoming Jewish wisdom and plant medicine retreat  Yes, it's OK for you to bring your bikini, and/or your full-coverage, and/or whatever suites YOU. 

You can also book a session with me here.